Chapter One

Heart to Heart
By Ayasaka Kaoru

 Love Is a Risky Business

I have often wondered what it is like to fall in love. Here I am, turning twenty-six in a month, still ignorant of that one feeling that makes the world go round (or so they say). I have read so many books on romance, watched so many movies, and though there were many a scene that gave me butterflies in my stomach, I’m sensible enough to know that that kind of feeling doesn’t compare to the real thing. Love, after all, is so powerful that it drives people to become singers, poets, composers, writers. Love even drives some people mad. But most of all, love gives people strength, courage, and determination, and those who are lucky enough to experience true love will probably attest that it brings happiness, too.

The Filipino hero, Rizal, wrote that, “He who would love much has also much to suffer,” and though he was probably referring to a greater and much more profound love such as love of country, the quote nevertheless has a menacing ring to it. Loving is a risky business. To love someone fully is to bare your soul, offer yourself up on a silver platter, and let yourself be at the mercy of another. Whatever that person decides to do with you is out of your hands. If you love someone that much, then it also follows that that person can do you the most damage. And, in this world where trust had become a triviality and promises have become just mere words, is anyone really brave enough to risk getting hurt? Or rather, is anyone really stupid enough?

“You know, you really write like a girl,” Kaede’s muffled words came from the living room. Michiru heard him, but he was too busy to reply. After all, he needed to finish his next article in four hours. It’s always, always like this. He never gets the inspiration to write until it’s very near the deadline, something that frustrates even his sweet-tempered and patient editor, Mika-san. He read mail after mail from his fans, looking for that one topic that would get his creative juices flowing. He gets different kinds of emails each week—some disputing his views, some asking for advice, some proposing marriage or some other kind of relationship, and a large number of mails are those expressing gratitude. Even after two years of doing this job, his heart still swells whenever someone writes to him and says he has helped them with their problems. He just couldn’t get enough of that feeling.

Michiru remembered the first time Mika-san met with him, saying that the editor-in-chief of the number one women’s lifestyle magazine Radiance wanted to meet him. It turned out that Nishimura-san, the editor-in-chief, came across an article he wrote for Gloss, the teen magazine from the same publishing company. N-san (as he liked to be called) checked out all the articles that Michiru wrote for Gloss, as well as for other magazines. He then asked Mika-san to scout Michiru and offer him a job as a regular columnist. Michiru was a freelance writer then, so he jumped at the chance to have a weekly column in the prestigious magazine.

It was only after he signed the contract that N-san told him he would be writing as a woman, since the focus of his weekly column was on women’s relationship problems. “You will be more credible that way, and women will open up to you. After all, a woman won’t really ask a man for advice on love and relationships, right?” N-san smiled boyishly at him as he dropped this bomb. Michiru felt his smile freeze on his face, and all he could do at that time was nod and wipe his sweaty palms on his pants. His mind was spinning, thinking and thinking of how to get out of the contract. There’s no way I’d be able to write as a woman! And isn’t this tricking the readers? And I’ll be writing about relationships! Women might even ask me for advice! These thoughts were jumbled in his panicked mind. He vaguely remembered shaking N-san’s hand, then being led by Mika-san towards the exit.

“…-sensei…Satou-sensei!” Mika-san’s voice jolted Michiru out of his reverie. “I’m sorry, Mika-san,” he said ruefully. “I was quite overwhelmed with everything so my mind’s still not working properly, I’m afraid.”  Mika-san smiled apologetically at him. “We should be the one to apologize. I know we kind of tricked you into this, but N-san liked your work so much that he said we had to get you no matter what.” She was clearly embarrassed.

“No, please don’t apologize. The truth is, I am extremely flattered that Radiance wanted me. It is after all the leading women’s magazine. What I’m worried about is that I might not be able to deliver the kind of writing style N-san is expecting from me. As you can see, I’m a man, so I’m not sure I am qualified to be giving advice to women. More importantly, I have never had a girlfriend so I don’t know much about relationships,” In his nervousness Michiru accidentally told Mika-san one of his best-kept secrets. He was about to blurt out that he’s still a virgin, but seeing as how Mika-san’s eyes widened at his revelation stopped him short. Mika-san caught herself and carefully hid her surprise.

“Hmm….Satou-sensei, I can understand now why you were panicking earlier. Though it is going to be difficult for you considering your lack of experience in, erm, certain things, I also don’t think it is impossible. I have read your work together with N-san, and your articles were always so insightful that we even thought someone much older wrote them. I’m sure you are the right person for this job. Think of all the women out there that you can help. I’m a woman, too, so I know how important it is to get a man’s point of view when it comes to matters of the heart. Though you will be concealing your true gender, you will be providing them with insight they would otherwise not get from another woman. I talked it over with N-san and though you will be writing under a pseudonym that the readers will most likely identify with a woman, we will not explicitly state that you are one. This way there’s no need for you to lie about your gender, and you don’t need to feel guilty about deceiving the readers. How’s that?” Mika-san was slightly out of breath after this monologue.

I can trust her, Michiru thought. He had always been a good judge of character and Mika-san’s honest eyes and straightforward attitude assured him. He took a deep breath and bowed his head. “Then, I’ll be in your care from now on,” he said, and smiled at his new editor. “And I will be in your care, Satou-sensei,” said Mika-san with a beaming face and returned his bow.

Michiru’s stomach grumbled loudly, and Mika-san let out a surprised laugh. “Well, now that that’s settled, let’s celebrate our new working relationship, Sensei. Dinner and drinks are on me.”